How to Write a Letter to Your Birth Child - MumsVillage

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Pregnancy & Parenting

How to Write a Letter to Your Birth Child


Writing is a powerful tool. We can use it to transfer a message, express our emotions, or illustrate something better than in a face-to-face conversation. In many contexts, it’s also used in scary situations where emotions are overwhelming. In these cases, writing can provide a therapeutic outlet for emotion. 

If you are a parent, you can use writing to address your birth child. It might seem like a hard thing to do, but once you relax and start writing, you will see start seeing its positive effects. After some time, they will be old enough to read it, and it can provide a deeper level of connection between the two of you. Here is how you do it:

1) Do not worry about conventions

If you’re looking for the recipe to get writer’s block, it’s to be a perfectionist and stick to rules and conventions. Don’t be too pressured by what your letter should look like. The best way to start and actually get some writing done is to actually sit down and write whatever comes to your mind first. 

There is no fixed structure that you need to follow. In this case, the content is more important than form. In other words, it’s more important that you are able to express yourself authentically than following a set of rules and writing patterns. 

Try to refrain from real-time editing as well. This is a practice where you write a sentence, then come back to it instantly and edit it. Sometimes, you can spend 10 minutes in just one sentence. This is not only a matter of time, but you will also lose touch with your natural writing instincts. Here’s a bit more on that:


2) Use the stream of consciousness method

Used by modernist novelists and authors, the stream of consciousness method helps writers connect with their instinctive associations and feelings. This is exactly what you want to do when you’re writing a letter to your birth child. 

Melanie Hernandez, a writer at BestEssaysEducation and SupremeDissertations, says: “When you have difficulty with writing from your heart, the stream of consciousness works like a charm. The trick is to relax and just write down to first things that come to your mind. This is also used in writing therapy as a helpful tool to connect with your thought patterns.”


3) Reflect on important memories

This letter will be an important memory keeper for you and your child. Not only will it represent the moment of time you’re currently in, but it will be an important souvenir that marks the passing of time. To make the best out of this, you can mention some of the favourite memories you have with your child. 

Believe it or not, many moments slip away from us, and we forget about them. That’s perfectly human. However, you have the power to freeze them in time. Re-tell some of your favourite moments or details about the child’s important milestones. 


4) Describe your current relationship and feelings

Your relationship with your child is deep and intense, but it will change over time. As you get to know each other more day by day and you both change, so will the dynamics between the two of you. Like we have already mentioned, memories of tiny moments are the best examples of that – something that was previously a huge deal gets lots even after a couple of months.

Do the time-capsule method with your current relationship as well. How do you spend your time together? How does your child show you affection? What are their favourite activities right now? How dependent are they on you and your support?


parent teacher

It can sometimes be hard to find the right words to describe the parent-child relationships. Here are some tools that can help you during the writing process: Thesaurus (compare synonyms and antonyms and find the most appropriate expressions for your feelings), TrustMyPaper (writing service website where you can learn about expressive writing), TopEssayWriting (a database of writing experts who can help you with the letter). 

5) Let them know how much you care 

When your baby is still a baby, it’s very easy to show affection with cuddles, kisses, and hugs. This goes on into their early childhood, but as kids grow, the affection most parents show them naturally decreases. Even if you try hard not to become a parent that doesn’t show emotion, daily life and stress get in the way. After a long, hard day at work, it’s perfectly normal to not be in the mood for cuddles with your 8-year-old. 

Stay at home / single parenting

The perfect way to preserve this loving and affectionate time would be to put it in a time capsule, which is exactly what you can do by writing a letter to your child. Let them know how much you love them and use words and phrases that come naturally to you. Mention some of the events and tiny moments when your love for them grew even bigger. 


Writing a letter to your birth child can be the perfect way to express things that are hard to encapsulate into words. You will have enough time to think, write, and re-write. There is absolutely no pressure, and you will be able to find the exact structure that works best with what you feel. 

Finally, as you go through these emotions and memories in your head, this process will be very calming and therapeutic. It’s a great practice of gratitude, which will remind you that you brought the miracle of life to the world. Finally, this letter will be something your birth child will be able to carry throughout life. Every time they look at it and read it, it will be a powerful reminder that someone loves them more than anything in the world.


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