Newton Mwiti gives his insights on dating as a single dad- the challenges and his expectations:
Becoming a parent is a life changing experience.The change hits you in way you can’t even imagine. And it doesn’t stop at the birth of the child – it is a daily process. You unlearn, learn and relearn. It is a life class. This is especially true if you are a single parent, a single dad in my case.
The being single aspect means that I am still in the dating market.
With all honesty, I haven’t observed much of a difference between now and when I didn’t have a kid. However, the small change that is there is major.
Having a daughter has changed my view on women.
I appreciate and respect them more. Hence, how I interact with them has changed for better.
My preference of women is still the same but now it’s not just about chemistry, while I value it I have to be patient, 6 months at least, to make sure it’s a long-term relationship before I introduce them to my kid or her mother – if at all I would do this.
How soon I tell a woman I have a kids depends, it can be on the first date or never depending on how I gauge the relationship will go. Reasons for this is are many but mainly because I wouldn’t want them to get attached and then if the relationship ends they disappear suddenly.
As for my kid’s interaction with the woman, as long as I have introduced them, they are free to interact, as they like.
By the way, they don’t have to like each other in the beginning; however, I expect that they will with time. As for her interaction with the baby mama, I also don’t mind as long as they maintain a positive relationship.
My ideal woman is one whom I like and whom I also think can be a good mother to my kid.
Yes, she can have a kid(s) too. As for meeting them, I don’t have rules around this, those would be hers but I would just be myself and of course try to make a good impression to win their hearts.
I haven’t faced any difficulties dating since having a kid. I know it is a no go zone for some women but, I have not dated anyone with that preference yet.
Also having a kid hasn’t given me the pressure to settle. I can still date for fun like everyone else.
As for what I would say to a woman looking to date me as single dad
- Don’t compare my love for my child and that for you. They are different and can coexist.
- Please understand that I will spend more time with my child than you. I will make time for you as best as I can however dating is different when there is a kid in the picture. Things come up randomly, so plans may sometimes have to be rescheduled or even cancelled.
- Don’t compete with my child for my attention.
- Dating with a kid is slower as there is less time devoted to the relationship. So it might take time before we are official but there is no hurry.
- Also, note that I am co-parenting my child with someone, so there is and will always be a baby mama. We are co-parents and it is helpful that this relationship is respected as it is. I will not direct the way you should relate to each other, but a positive relationship would be great for everyone.
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