Diary of an Awkward Mum

In my eyes, my mother was the best mother there ever was. She laughed a lot, she always smelled nice and she had the softest skin. She was a brilliant cook and always seemed to know what to say to make everything better.

When I got pregnant with my first born, I took it for granted that I would somehow just be a good mother like my mum was. I assumed it was inherited, better yet contagious! Since I was always close to my mum, I was sure it had rubbed off on me. My mum did not see my child, she died two months before my baby was born. It was horrible losing her, but I had this baby on the way, felt ready for motherhood though.  I had had 22 years of mothering.

My first pregnancy was difficult. I had morning sickness throughout. My baby arrived via emergency CS thanks to preclampsia. She spent her first 24 hours in an incubator. The next day the nurse brought her to me. I was ecstatic. I held her. The whole day. She was a good baby. She didn’t cry. There was only one problem, I could not turn off the leaking!

My breasts just kept leaking and leaking and it was worrying. The baby was going to get wet if I did not get it under control! So, I asked the nurse what I must do. I can never forget the look on her face. Anyway, I learned that the ‘leaking’ was milk supply for the baby. And so, I was introduced to breastfeeding. I felt so silly. I had seen babies breastfed, how did I think I was going to feed the baby?

I was to be discharged the next day. I sent for a ‘going home dress’. In my head, the baby was already out so I was not fat in the stomach anymore. I had consciously made a decision that I would not be those women who forgot their fashion sense just because they had had a baby. Discharge day came and I prepared baby and then tried putting on my dress. Dear God! My stomach was still big! What was still in there surely? No one told me about this part. I ended up going home in a sweatshirt and lesso (sarong if you like) tied around my waist.

This motherhood thing was not looking too glamorous.

I quickly realised that I did not have time for trivial things like combing my hair, oiling myself or under arm deodorant. How did my mother look so beautiful always? Ever since I can remember my mother looked like an angel! When baby was one month, we got invited to a family lunch. I was so happy to finally have an outing that did not involve the clinic. Besides, my dress was fitting me again and I was going to wear it.

We got to the luncheon and everyone was impressed that I had gone back to my pre-baby size so fast. I was very proud of myself. I did look good in my dress, I loved the dress. It was green, with a zip at the back, short sleeves, high neckline and it fit close to the body. There we were, seated amongst family and friends enjoying lunch when baby started screaming. Baby was hungry. I naturally reached to try and grab a boob to put in baby’s mouth.

No access! All the things I loved about the dress turned against me. High neckline, back zip, snug fit…what was I going to do?

Have you noticed that when you are in a crisis is when you get the most unnecessary advice? ”The baby is hungry, breast feed her!” I know! Jeez!! (I think in my head, I could never yell at an old person). I finally make it to one of the bedrooms and I literally have to remove my dress to access baby’s food. I think the worst is behind me. I can now feed baby in peace. Now friends and family keep poking their heads into the room to find out how it is going! Hello!?! How do you think it is going? I have had to cover my lower body in a baby blanket as I try to use my scarf to cover my upper body so that I am not entirely exposed.

What do you think pervert? Okay, maybe they were not perverts but sitting naked in a stranger’s bed trying to feed a screaming baby was not my idea of a good time.

I had more awkward years to come, and even with 4 children now, I still find myself in awkward situations. I still do not know how my mum did it, she was always so graceful. To all you awkward mums out there, there are many of us, keep keeping your children alive. You are doing a good job.

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