Other Articles from Valentine Njoroge
Help: My Husband has a Low Libido
Dear Valentine, my husband does not like sex as much as I do. This is breaking my heart. He thinks that sex once a month is ok. Once imagine… How am I supposed to cope with this?
Now I answered this question in the attached video but I focused on ‘internal factors’ within the marriage.
There are however two external factors that I did not mention.
The first and most obvious is another woman, or other women. When a person who is used to having sex a certain number of times in a month, suddenly goes on a ‘sexual diet’, you have to consider that he is getting his meals somewhere else. So girl, go hunting… snoop around… ask him directly, find out if this is true.
Then figure out what you are going to do there. Also note that the woman/women might be porn stars.
Is he watching porn and masturbating and ignoring the marriage bed? A quick look at the history on his computer will let you know if this is happening.
The second factor might be a physiological issue, that your husband might not be aware of. Changes in blood pressure will affect libido and erections. Viagra, the most famous solution for erectile dysfunction, was actually designed as a treatment for high blood pressure but it found fame from a very welcome side effect.
Heart and cardiovascular health also impacts libido. You might want to accompany your man to the doctor’s for a full physical exam. Hormonal changes and weight gain also affect men and their sexual desire, not just women.
Your man might also be on some medication that is changing his body chemistry and libido.
I think one of the challenging things with marriage is that you might be feeling all this and living in this hellish world of ‘no desire’ and ‘I want more sex’ while your partner is chilling thinking it’s all gravy … is it easy to have these conversations? Hell no. It will get easier with practice and as you feel safer and safer in your relationship.
That’s why we all agree that sex ain’t for kids. Well guess what? Great sex is not for cowards, it’s for those who express their wants, and needs and desires… so figure out what those are and communicate them as kindly as possible.