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The truly free is free only to the extent of his own self mastery. While those who will not govern themselves are condemned to find masters to govern over them. Socrates
The best way is to go on a wellness journey, to help them and yourself deal with the past.
A wellness journey is a journey is a tour of your life, drawing a life map, looking back into the most important events of your life, what happened at what stage, what changes did it causes, how do you feel, it’s a walk back into your past, present and future of yourself, it’s looking for a vision and mission statement of your life.
A wellness journey is the ongoing process of looking for the tools that make us healthier and happier—and discovering our own effective ways of using those tools for sustained learning, development and personal growth.
Walk with the person, when you ask them how they’re doing be ready to sit and listen, really want to know they’re doing. By letting them tell you how they’re doing, they will come up with solutions to the challenges they’re facing. Yours is to support through listening and allow them to process what’s happening to them.
If you have been in an abusive environment it’s normal to feel scared but it’s also good to trust your instincts when it comes to such things
Yes emotional abuse counts as violence, because it violates your whole being and interferes with the mind. It’s also abuse and it’s more powerful than physical abuse, because physical abuse can be seen and treated but emotional is internal, you can’t see it so it’s harder to identify and treat.
The first thing to know about this kind of a person is that, they believe that they are good and want to be good, in fact they can’t see how is it that they are not good, so with this kind of a person, you first find out the background, mostly you will find that growing up , they were accused of falsely more times than they can count.
The best way to approach is not to accuse or point fingers but express a concern without sounding like you are blaming them in any way that way you should get a better response.
For example: I feel like I haven’t been heard
Or
I would prefer if you come home a little earlier once in a while.
Help him by reassuring him every time, all the time, sing it to him like a new song until he starts to believe it, lower your voice and let him know that he’s safe, until his ready to talk all you can do is use the power of positive words, affirmation and reassurance.
When dealing with a serial womanizer, one needs to turn the tables, stop trying to deal with his behavior and start dealing with you as a person, I have noticed that it’s impossible for you to be faithful to one woman, and because am your wife, I have a responsibility not just to you as my husband, but to myself, my health and well being and not to mention the children that are looking up to us, so long as you continue in this behavior, I will not be…See it’s now about you and your well being and that of your children, put boundaries in place that protect you.
Don’t address his behavior, address your behavior.
An emotional abuser is a control seeker, the best thing to do is to take that control away from him. It’s going to get worse before it gets better, put boundaries in place for example
If he comments on your clothes and says you look ugly, say;
‘Thank you, you look very handsome yourself’, or ‘and the way I was feeling particularly beautiful in this dress’ and turn round like a baby girl would do in a dress she likes and walk away, don’t give him an opportunity to respond.
But you are not your mother, some times fire is fought by fire, try this kind of response;
“I appreciate that you see the value in my mother, I’m only her daughter but am not her, expecting me to do things the way she would do them it’s not only unfair to me as your wife but it’s also unrealistic.”
Sexual Health and Consent: Sex Toys, Libido and Alcoholism
Healthy Relationships: Handling Emotional Abuse
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