Conflict in Relationships: Funds, Finances and Spending
A week ago, we had a counseling psychologist speak to our Villagers about conflicts in relationships. The psychologist, Sharon Wakaba answered some of the questions, offered expert advice on various topics and got to shed light on some of the issues that were raised in the WhatsApp chat. We are going to share the pieces of advice in a series of articles. In this article, we share answers to the questions on finances asked during the chat
I have a friend whose partner left during the month of idd saying he has been transferred, came back 3 months after the baby was born, claiming he has been transferred back. He has never seen his son and the lady moved back to her parents. She is still paying rent for the house they shared. The guy claiming he is short of funds. What advice would you give her?
Since he came back, is there a reason they are not staying together? Is he staying in that home alone? How come he has not seen his child? There might be a conflict situation in this case which has not been expressed because it would be interesting to find out why the parents are comfortable with her staying with them and still paying for a house she is not living at. If he is short of funds, how can he still be there for his family to make them feel protected by the man of the house?
You ask your partner to add you some money to pay fees for your sibling, after some time he asks you to repay him or else no peace. How do you go about this?
When you asked for some money, was there a clear understanding of whether it was a loan or a grant? This is a difference in expectations. Talk with him and let him know what you thought, and get to find out what he thought. Discuss what needs to happen now, and this could be a learning experience or a cause of huge conflict. Talk with him to guide it not get out of hand.
What are the husband’s roles in the family? Who should pay rent, do shopping or handle finances?
Every home has a different perspective on how to handle finances. The husband is a provider, but if both parties are working, how can they help each other? Who will do what? Does the husband prefer to pay for big things like rent, shopping, and other huge bills? It’s a talk on expectations, and there needs to be a common understanding.