How to Find the Balance between Motherhood and Marriage

It seems ridiculous … why would a full grown man need more attention than a tiny helpless infant??

Many are the moments when you will want to ignore the advice to put your husband before the sweet little baby you have recently come home with. Compare between the cute and helpless little child who cannot even roll over on their own, and the fully functional adult male waiting for you to find his socks for him!

When you first hear the advice about balancing baby and husband, it will seem farfetched.

This is the guy you are head over heels in love with, who is indulging most of your needs as you carry his child? Enter newborn baby and everything shifts. You will have found a new love and you will barely be able to keep your eyes off your beautiful child except maybe to perform the basic bodily hygiene requirements.

This fully functional adult male who wants some of your time and attention is your partner, co-creator, fellow parent, and selected lifetime companion, aka Dear Husband. At that particular moment he may seem like an irritating interruption, but he really is a healthy interruption to your obsession with your sweet baby.

Before you were two, now you are three.

This three is not a crowd, it is a family. To be a functional family, you all need to interact with each other. This quite literally means, leaving the baby sleeping in another room – swallow your fears of mosquitoes finding their way under the net to attack the sleeping child, or him getting engulfed by bedding –  and engaging your Dear Husband in conversation that does not revolve around the now sleeping child. You might be surprised to find that you have actually missed having another like-minded adult to talk to!

Part of this delicate balance is allowing this somewhat clumsy male adult to handle the baby.

Resist hovering over your Dear Husband and giving instructions for every little thing as he does it. It is so easy to mistrust this bulky male adult (who seems scared) with the little infant but take a deep breath, he will figure it out. Let the two bond with each other. You, take the opportunity to enjoy a quiet moment in the bathroom, or if you dare, step outside for a breath of fresh air; or even more daring, visit the salon and get your hair done.

You can find it within yourself to divide your time between your Dear Husband and the little baby. Dear Husband will appreciate not having to compete with the tiny tot for your attention. He will also enjoy interacting with the baby in his own way. We need to give fathers credit where it is due; patient and loving men who lend a hand, wait in the wings and offer silent support along the parenting journey.

Read More articles on Parenting from Ory’s Blog.