The Types of Men you will Meet This Valentine’s Day

The season of lovers is upon us and more so the most anxiety-driven day besides Christmas is two days away. While most of us may be waiting on bated breath for gifts our better half or prospects would get us, there’s a good number of us that just want it to be over and done with.

Do you remember the superstitious sayings that one should avoid donning any red-coloured clothing lest you get struck down by lightning? Imagine taking a stroll in town only to be nauseated by all sorts of red and black?

That being said, allow me to give you a brief guide on the types of gents you’ll probably run into on Valentine’s day.

1. Mr. Romantic

This gent is smooth and ready with poems, a box of chocolates, romantic dinner plans, and might even add on a serenade just to show his lady, he means business.  Women love him but we hate his guts. He is like one of those Alejandro characters that raise the bar so high with over-the-top romantic gestures and fantasy of riding off into the sunset. Sorry ladies with reality being one hard beast, please be content with our spontaneous romantic spurs, we’re really trying out here.

2. Mr. Disappearing Act

This fine specimen will go “quiet” on you without warning. All calls, texts, and even smoke signals will go unanswered leaving you panicked and fearing for the worst.  You will try to trace his whereabouts to no avail and just after Valentine’s day, he will resurrect from the “dead” as nothing happened.  But why does he act like that? Good question!! Ever had to fork out a lot of money on a single night in an attempt to impress someone whether you like it or not? There’s your answer!

3. Mr. Drive By

This slick talker will make elaborate plans to woo you over Valentine’s day. He will take you on a romantic date that will convert you to a believer in “love at first sight”. You will try calling him after a night of romance and only get the famous “mteja wa nambari uliopiga hapatikani kwa sasa”.  You will want to dig yourself a hole and hide after bragging to your friends about how you’ve met the most attentive gentleman of your dreams. He goes by the street name: Mr. Drive-By.

4. Mr. Philosopher

This fella will come up with different reasons why you shouldn’t celebrate Valentine’s day. His go-to lines are:

• Valentine’s day is a fabrication meant to drive men broke by having to make big purchases or extravagant gestures to please women.
• I don’t need Valentine’s day to show you how much I love you.
• Valentine’s day is too cliche to keep insisting on.
• It’s a day created by the “colonialists” so I am resisting being part of the deception.
• Is Valentine’s in the Bible? Babe, please don’t celebrate things just because people are doing so

Free advice: Trying to argue with this fella is as pointless as trying to mix oil and water.

5. Mr. Short Fuse

Mr. Petty is what you’ll get from this type of gent. He will turn the simplest arguments into World War 3 leaving you baffled. Everything apparently is going wrong with him hence you resist making subtle hints at going out for Valentine’s Day. It’s just a ruse ladies! The same guy will go back to being the loving, caring gent you’ve always known. Take this as a hint that there won’t be a grand date anytime soon.

There you have it, folks! With the facts laid out for you, what kind of gent do you call bae? For those of you that won’t get Mr. Romantic just be content with the various goons through this period, you will get a make-up date later on for sure. If not, a bit of reverse psychology never hurt anybody.

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