5 Reasons not to read his phone messages - MumsVillage

Quote of the day

"To be in your children's memories tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today."


5 Reasons not to read his phone messages

Depending on your marriage, access to your spouse’s passwords, emails and phone messages may vary. Some spouses have no issues with it because their relationships are built on trust.

Where there is trust, there is no need to snoop and there is nothing to hide either. But it’s important to respect your partners’ decision if they prefer to keep their phones private.

If you partner is one of those, here are six reasons why you should avoid secretly reading their messages without their full consent.




1. Causes Unnecessary Panic

Between work, extended family, social life and business, many things can be communicated on phone through calls and messages. It’s easy for one spouse to find fragmented messages on their partner’s phone and panic because they do not have the full picture that was communicated verbally. The best way around this is to simply discuss how the day was for both of you. Once you know all is well, the rest may not be important enough to break trust.


2. Ruins Surprises

Your birthday is approaching. Your husband is planning a surprise for you. His phone is full of messages to and from the spa, the cake shop, the secret gateaway. But in your snoopy hood, you go and bust his bubble. It not only ruins a surprise but also affects the harmony and romance between you two. Not good! He cannot be blamed if he ‘forgot’ the upcoming anniversary.



  1. Injures Trust

Snooping through your spouse’s messages is a definite trust killer. What are you hoping to find or not find? Why are you trying to figure out how his or her day went while you could ask sweetly, ‘how was your day, hun? This used to be my excuse since my hubby is the quiet type. His phone messages would tell me all I needed to know without him saying a word.


But I realised that it made him feel like I did not trust him, so now I keep my sticky fingers out of the cookie jar.


  1. Feelings of Control

People prone to controlling like to know everything. They cannot stand uncertainty so they will do anything to get whatever information they need and that includes reading private messages and emails. In marriage, as with any other relationship, a sense of freedom is important. Secretly reading your partners messages is a sign you are trying to be in control and once they find out, they will feel that way too. Learn to let go of some things or better still, ask baby ask!



  1. Creates tension

It’s easy to create a mountain out of an anthill from messages especially when they are fragmented and you are trying to piece them together. Imagine how many questions you will have for your partner when you read through his messages, ranging from whom, what, when and where, and cash transactions. It’s just too tiring and gives rise to full blown tension that may not have been necessary.


Word to the wise: If you choose to go looking for something, you’d better be ready for whatever it is you find. But can you handle the truth? Because it may not be what you’ve been expecting.