Other Articles from Bernice Gathoni
“Peace is not absence of conflict, it’s the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.”
How you handle conflict can tell a lot about you and it affects all your relationships. Here are 4 reflective questions to ask yourself after a conflict to help you grow as a person
What do you do after a conflict?
Ok, so you have had a disagreement or a fight as most people call it, so now what? What do you do? What do you say? How do you act? These are some of the crucial questions you should ask as soon as you get that second to calm down. The best thing to do is to sit down and talk about it, calmly, that way once you are done, you could do something together maybe cook or have dinner together to seal the reconcilation.
What can you learn about yourself?
Always make sure you learn something out of every situation you may be in. What has the experience shown you about you? Are you a listener? Are you hot tempered? Do you hold grudges or forgives easily? You will notice that holding grudges makes the situation worse. forgiveness and compromise end a conflict.
What does it say about your relationship?
Most relationship break up because of many reasons, many of which are because of lack of communication which often leads to conflicts. The most important lesson one should learn from a conflict situation is what kind of a relationship you are in. When do you fight the most? What ticks you or the other person off? How does he /she act around some people? Is alcohol a catalyst of the arguments? Learn about each other and what angers you or them and try to avoid similar situations.
When should you seek more help?
Doctor Larry Alan Nadig said the best way to approach the conflict is as two equals working together to solve a problem. Free advice from me is that violence is never an answer to any kind of situation. Always remember to first try and deal with it between yourselves before involving advice from outside (friends and family). This helps you talk about it and not make your relationship other people’s business other than your own. Remember some people are not always out to help. So careful as to whom you run to for advice, the best people are the ones in a similar situation as yourself for instance if its marriage advice get it from a married couple. Learn to try and deal with your problems in house, that will definitely help you grow stronger together.
With that shared, asking how to avoid conflicts?
- Learn to focus more on your partners behavior more than their personalities.
- Always give an ear and be a good listener.
- Learn to forgive and forget…ok I know that’s easier said than done but trust me, that’s the best way to help your relationship.
- Learn to develop a plan on how to deal with your conflicts.