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On the darkest days, when I feel inadequate, unloved and unworthy, I remember whose daughter I am and I straighten my crown. Unknown
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Motherhood : My New Happy Place

I am in a new place in my life. It is a place I love. A place I needed to be, even without realizing it. It may not be the place I want to be three months down the road or a year from now, but right now, it is exactly where I want to be. Where I am meant to be.

It is a place between being a Working Mom, a Stay-at-Home mom and a Work-at-Home Mom. Isn’t it just dandy how moms seem to have been defined and neatly categorized (by someone that isn’t a mother, I bet)? It is a place where I still get to fulfill my office responsibilities, yet spend more time with my family. My happy place where I can be in the office, but without the hassle of being stuck in traffic as I drive to and from the office.

Aleya Kassam Closing the Book Mums Village

It is a place where I can breastfeed my 7-month old as I note down the key points on an email I need to respond to. A place where I can draft an email as my bolognese sauce simmers on the stove. It is a place where I wake up before my son does so that I can sneak into his bedroom and be the first person he sees when he wakes up for school. A place that gives me a chance to sit with Kamau and Lisa as they do their homework.

A place that enables me to tuck Kui and Kamau in every night.

It is a place R worries I may regret ten years from now; a time I may feel I wasted. It really won’t be. Because it is the place that has taught me that, as human beings, we go through different phases in our lives and different things  fulfill those phases. It is a place where I have found true contentment.

It is a place that excites me- where my dreams have endless possibilities. A place where I can take a shot at being the Homemaker I have always wanted to be even as I search for opportunities to express myself through the written word.

It isn’t a perfect place. I have days when I question the fact that I have my toes dipped in different waters. I sometimes worry I may end up balancing a house of cards. It is a place wherein I am living by surprise. A happy place where I am happy to do what works for me right now. Believing that,some of the best days of my life haven’t happened yet. I do not need to figure it all out at this very moment.

Here, imperfection doesn’t mean failure.

I judge myself less harshly and forgive myself more easily. It is a place where I have learned to accept that being the best I can be- for myself, my family and my goals is all I can do. It is a place where I DEFINITELY feel less guilty.  I have more good days than bad days. Each day in this journey is preparing me to be a better version of myself.

This is my new happy place.

Read more on Wangari’s Blog.

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