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Live Love 30!!! Part 2

One of my dreams was about to be realized! On my way to the airport the cab guy commented on the glow in my eyes.

I smiled in response and looked outside the window as I reflected on the last 5 years and then the last couple of days when I had celebrated my birthday. The party had been a success considering I have never had a party before and I would not easily allow a full-blown party in my house. Maybe at gunpoint. I giggled at the thought of me freaking out and almost cancelling the party at the last minute because I’m just not about that life of cleaning up messes created by a turned up party.

group of people jumping at the beach

The party had gone down so well. I didn’t scream at anyone for spilling anything or for misbehaving.

Not even once! And I was all smiles, grateful and very satisfied with how everything had gone down. I decided to live love my age. No more parties in my house in the near future though.Everything about my trip was a dream! It made me come to several realizations. On my final day at the island I flip-flopped my way to the beach very early in the morning and was overcome by a mixture of feelings. In fact what I felt I cannot describe fully in words. I felt relief. I felt humbled. I felt happy. I felt present and all of a sudden there was salty water running down my cheeks. For a moment I thought my face was leaking because I was certain I wasn’t crying.I had no reason to. Then I realized that that was my body’s way of showing me that I had achieved inner peace. There and then I decided to forgive.

I forgave the little girl who almost took away all my self confidence those very many years ago by refusing to hold my hand as we made a big, big circle at P.E lesson because of the scalp condition I had.

I forgave the cleaning lady. I had ended our almost 3-year relationship. This is after she had decided that nicking my stuff and money was the best way to repay me for being extra kind to her and this was after taking our relationship to the next level…She had a key to my house! My safe haven! I had even trusted her to pack my suitcase whenever I had to travel. That’s how strong our relationship had gotten. On the bright side though, doing my own house chores really helps tone my muscles and besides, now I always know exactly where everything is. I forgave her.

I forgave that guy who tried to bully me by behaving like a malicious woman and spreading lies about me and trying to ward people off me. I realized that he was just unleashing his personal insecurities on me and it had nothing to do with me. And since I was feeling generous in my forgiving spree state, I made a wish for him. I wished him breasts! I decided that since he behaved like a hateful woman, a pair of breasts would befit him. So dear guy, have some working mammary glands on me!

Happy smiling beautiful woman

I forgave that ex boyfriend who ruined and changed the meaning of “Love “for me.

But most importantly I forgave myself

I forgave myself for allowing myself to hold on to grudges for longer than necessary.

I forgave myself for keeping quiet when I should speak up.

I forgave myself for being an escapist.

I forgave myself for being afraid to ask for help when stuck.

I forgave myself for being afraid of confrontations.

I forgave myself for being afraid of being judged.

You will always be too much of something for someone: too big, too loud, too soft, too edgy. If you round out your edges, you lose your edge. Apologize for mistakes. Apologize for unintentionally hurting someone — profusely. But don’t apologize for being who you are. – Danielle LaPorte

I forgave myself for clinging so hard on to the past.

I forgave myself for selling myself short.

red wine poured into wine glass

Then..
I realized my purpose in life.

I realized why I am exactly the way I am.

I realized that nobody sneaked into my home to shrink my clothes. It has been my love for white carbohydrates and wine and then sitting down and binge-watching Grey’s Anatomy, Sex and the City and Gilmore Girls for hours on end to blame for my expanded waistline all this time. Ooops!

I realized that with time, I had grown not only in size but my wisdom capacity had expanded too.

I realized the importance of one minute, of one hour, of one day, one week, one month, one year…

And then I finally understood

I understood why that trip had had to happen.

I understood why I am alive.

I understood why everyday wasted not being happy or not living towards your dreams is a day wasted!

And with that understanding I made some really important decisions that will affect my future and I vowed to see those decisions through.

Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma-which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. – Steve Jobs

I had been lost in thought for a few hours now by the beachfront. I opened a bottle I had filled up with sand upon my arrival at the beautiful island, emptied it and watched as the sand particles flew in every direction. It was time to say goodbye to what had been my utopia for 4 wonderful, warm days. The sun was now up and the humidity was starting to piss off my weave… I knew it was time to go home.

It had not been easy getting there but it was well worth it! Now to plan for a grander 2020 vacation!

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  1. Alisha M says:

    Beautifully written!